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Do you communicate with your spouse?

What do you TALK about to your spouse?                 

Have You Stopped Talking?            

Improving Communication with your Spouse                      

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Motherhood has long been considered the embodiment of self-sacrifice, and for good reason. From the first manifestations of “morning” sickness, sacrificial acts consume mothers, body and soul. Of course, it doesn’t stop with pregnancy. Every stage of a child’s life requires a different set of sacrifices, most of which are made willingly but pass unnoticed by their primary objects. The running joke is that the sacrifices of motherhood run so deep, they even affect the brain: “Insanity is hereditary,” goes one adage; “you inherit it from your children.” More than one mother has, at one time or another, ruefully (perhaps even proudly) pointed to her children as being responsible for what she considers a decline in her mental capacities.

Fortunately, however, research may have uncovered just the right information to distract us from obsessing about our sacrifices long enough to consider some of the things we might actually be gaining from motherhood.

In this vein Katherine Ellison, author of The Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter (2005), brought welcome news to mothers everywhere. It’s true, she acknowledges: we mothers have long perpetuated the notion that having babies zaps our brain cells. This notion finally became so entrenched, she informed Vision recently, that dozens of scientists set out to discover whether it is actually true. And the truth is? It is not.

In fact, she found, study after study shows that having babies contributes to increased brain cells, and along with these little darlings (the new brain cells as well as the babies) come increased skills of all kinds. 

At the center of this good news is that now-familiar phenomenon, neurogenesis: the brain’s process of growing and changing through the development of new neurons. This amazing brain plasticity is encouraged by repeated new actions, especially of the “positive, emotionally charged, and challenging” variety, referred to by scientists as “enrichment.” As it turns out, the process of child rearing, beginning even in pregnancy, is enrichment’s mother lode. The abundant variety of intense new experiences forced on us mothers by daily interaction with our children strengthens much more than our flexibility and our multitasking skills. Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) reveals increases in a long list of areas, including (but not limited to) emotional intelligence, sensory powers, mental perception, motivation, attention, problem solving, prioritizing, memory and learning. And the gains are not temporary. In fact, indications are that the positive changes brought about in the brain by pregnancy hormones, and subsequent stimulation from our babies and children, last for the rest of our lives—long past the time our grandchildren are born.

So why have women almost universally embraced the idea that pregnancy and childbirth turn their brains to jelly? Sleep deprivation certainly plays a role, but Ellison again marshals a long list of neuroscientists whose findings add other crucial pieces to the puzzle. “What’s really going on,” she translates, is that “a pregnant and early postpartum woman’s brain is tied up in a major, hormone-powered transition.” In other words, our bodies have just served us a powerful hormonal cocktail designed to prepare our brains for unprecedented growth and reorganization. “Motherhood—” says Ellison, “just like puberty—may knock us off our feet for a time, only to set us back up, often stronger than before.” Comparing the forgetfulness of pregnant mothers to Einstein’s famous distractedness, Ellison is nevertheless careful to qualify the analogy: “Encouraging as this paradigm may be . . . it’s important to remember that new mothers are coping with some serious physical challenges that Albert Einstein could barely have imagined.”

Afghan Law Permits Husbands To Withhold Food From Wives who Refuse Sex

The new compromise family law in Afghanistan has allowed the husbands to starve their wives if they refuse to have sex with them.With the new upcoming Afghan presidential elections ,president Hamid Karzai is supporting the family law to win votes from shaii community.

The Japanese Women Look For Sex Outside Marriage

With the increasing trend in late marriages,the japanese community as well the spouses relationships have also changed.A large number of Japanese women are still virgin even,after marriage.However,an unconventional solution has been found out for frustrated wives.

Communication is the greatest and perhaps least-used tool we have to connect with our loved ones. Here are ten reasons we don't talk and how to make a correction when necessary.

1. Actions that you don't agree with can be conversation stoppers. Talk about what you'd prefer and try to find some balance and a way for you to get more out of what's going on.
2. If it's a difficult topic, to avoid hurting someone's feelings, it's best to share your insights gently. This will also help you resolve things more easily.
3. It's hard to make conversation if you feel like you talk about the same subjects all the time. Some successful couples pick different areas of interest to remain informed on, so they can share what they've learned with their partners.
4. Upon occasion, we believe we've had a conversation with our partner when what actually happened is that we thought about the conversation instead of having it. Check with your mate before you jump to the conclusion that you've already discussed the subject.
5. Some people are too lazy to want to engage in conversation. They'd rather hang out and stare at a TV instead of using their heads and hearts to connect with someone they claim to love.
6. There are times when even the best conversationalist will be too tired to put words together. Being too exhausted to talk is something you may experience at times. If this happens, lovingly tell your mate that you'd like to chat about this later. And make sure that you're the one who brings the topic up again.
7. Don't try to be a mind reader. You may think you know what your partner is going to say, and so you don't bother bringing it up. This type of behavior is a recipe for hurt feelings. Just say the words and avoid the problem.
8. Eavesdropping is an unreliable way to get information. Just because you think you've heard something doesn't mean you got it right. Check it our before you get offended or clam up.
9. Unhealed anger will cause almost anyone to withhold conversation. If you're mad at someone you love, tell him or her and get it out, so you can get back to normal.
10. If you're a busy person, you might not think about taking time out to talk with those you care for. Make sure that your life doesn't take away from your love. Check in on a regular basis. The conversations don't have to take long; they just have to take place.

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Many married people complain that their partner is reluctant to share feelings, or talk about the relationship in an emotionally supportive and close manner. Often such problems can be understood in terms of an incompatibility in the need for independence. The partner who seeks more emotional support may have a low need for independence, whereas the partner who avoids being emotionally close may have a high need for independence.

It's no secret that good communication can provide a pathway to a healthy, satisfying relationship.  Let's talk about three fundamental ways couples can assure they communicate as effectively as they can:

• Listen - Make an effort to really hear what your partner is saying.  Do not interrupt and defend.
• Clarify - Be sure you understood what was said.  If you don't, ask for your partner to restate in a different way.  Don't make assumptions.
• Validate - Make an attempt to let your partner know that you can understand where they're coming from - even if you don't necessarily agree.  Don't act like what they're saying is "crazy."  Remember that it is their experience they are trying to share with you.

Good communication takes practice but is well worth the effort.  Couples who do this well are better able to work through other relationship problems that pop up.

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The largest single factor which determines the kind of relationships we build with others is our communication skills. Communication covers how we pass information back and forth. It is not just the words we use it is much more than that. It includes how we make meaning of the words and how others make meaning of our words.

When I work with couples they almost always define the problem as being "we don't communicate". What they really mean is that they no longer feel heard, accepted, and valued by their partner. They are still communicating however they may be communicating through silence, anger, avoidance, blame, criticism etc. but not through love and understanding.

Tip 1. Say what you mean

Make sure your words and body language are congruent. Do not agree with something if you don't believe it. Stay in the present and address the issue at hand rather than bringing up past hurts and events.

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